Worse Than Buying Tampons

a short story


She wondered why only two pregnancy tests came in the box. Did these companies make them like that for the women who were excited and expecting to become pregnant? Surely, if you didn't plan on carrying a child, you'd want to check more than twice?

That's why she bought two boxes. This was way worse than buying your first box of tampons. The guy behind the counter at Target was judging her, she could see it all over his face. The way he looked her up and down, she could still feel the judgment even though her head was looking down at her phone. Scrolling through non-existent text messages from people who had no idea what she was doing. Friends who had no idea that she was at Target buying two boxes of pregnancy tests without them there to hold her hand.

"Your total is $15.32," the guy in the red polo and khakis said to her.

She fumbled around her purse, digging into the corners- she loved having exact change. Plus, getting tipped out as a hostess meant lots of one dollar bills; she hated looking like a stripper who had a good night. Or was that a good thing? Whatever.

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As she handed over the cash and looked at the receipt, she thought again to herself, god, this really is worse than buying tampons. She wrapped the plastic bag tightly around the two boxes inside and held it beneath her armpit.

What was it about sunglasses that makes you feel invisible? Obviously, you're not. It just gives you that incognito feeling. The bigger, the better.

Ruffling of your hair might help, but probably not.

She got to her car and reached for the door- locked. Duh. She reached into her bag again looking for her bright orange keychain with car keys attached. Her reflection caught her attention in the tinted window, mostly the cleavage coming out of her American Apparel deep V. That cleavage wasn't there a month ago.

I'm definitely pregnant, she thought. Boobs this big don't just grow overnight for no reason.

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Who am I kidding, she thought. I've always known that I was pregnant. Since the simple tasks of getting dressed for work would tire me out. Since sleeping all day became more appealing to me than going shopping. Since the taste of pasta would make me feel nauseous. Since the smell of the wine to accompany that pasta made me feel even worse. Since my face got fat. I've always known that I was pregnant.